Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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