Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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