sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
