Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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