I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just blew my weed a kiss
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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