My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
