I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
