when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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