Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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