why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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