U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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