I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
