never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
