I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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