A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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