i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
