Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
