I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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