Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
