does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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