I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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