Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
