meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
tell me about the fingering
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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