Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
