Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
