I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
