Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize
