just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How external is "for external use only"?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Randomize
