is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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