im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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