The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
