Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize