wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
