I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
