dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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