I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
