i just had sex bonerless
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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