i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
