btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
