When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
is that a dick in a sweater?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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