She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
