I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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