I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
