he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
