im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
if only i could text you this smell
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
