he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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