I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
