I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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