I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize