i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
