it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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