i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
