I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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