he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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