So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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