he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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