Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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