P.S. I can't hear my feet
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
