i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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