I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
