Christians are straight up FREAKS
Your face is a jimmy john
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
