I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
