And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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