Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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