oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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