Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
