I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
