Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
