Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
