Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
