handjob tips. give me some.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
