I think I am morally bankrupt
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
