i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
