she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
