weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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