He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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